Balance

Balance - I remind myself that it is a continual effort...not something obtained once and then it's done -check it off the list. It's the practice what I preach to my girls, it's the having faith and trusting, and it is the stop and focus - and breathe. I let myself get so distracted and I think as long as I'm having fun… but at what expense? So deep breath - time to get grounded again.

I know what is most important to me - we all do, the list usually starts with family and from there they vary some, but financial independence is important, and being able to practice the arts we each enjoy individually of course makes the list. For me that is writing and photography. It's the need to capture moments and ideas and share them. It is taking the ordinary and making it beautiful, making it my own.

I am not always able to do that with photography. Sometimes I'm just not ready, like not having a camera with me as I watched a single red leaf tumble down from a Maple tree, turning ever so slowly, and I held my breath for the moment and felt the slight chill of the Autumn air as all my other senses perked up and I could smell and hear the crispness of the collected fallen leaves, and knowing at that moment, that I love Autumn, and I wanted to take that picture and capture that moment... but at last the leaf fell, joining the others, and I wasn't ready.

Sometimes, I am ready with my camera but I'm not able to capture the picture as I experience it, and this is due to having a less than suitable camera for the photography I want to achieve. This is a financial goal that I can work towards. Of course, due to recent sidesteps with my employment, I have to be patient and get the finances back in order first but it will happen. For now I can work on techniques, like framing and capturing optimal lighting.

And then there is writing. I love taking individual words and stringing them together to create more than sentences, but feelings. I will actually reread sent emails, blogs, cover letters, etc, because I impress myself. Yet for the ultimate writing experience, scripts and stories worthy to be sent out, I often stumble. Now, I have been writing stories ever since I was a child and new ideas are always coming to me. I am great at starting and then something happens and I stop, and to get excited again I find myself switching off to another story or script. Unlike photography, I do not have the excuse of lacking equipment. And as I have mentioned in past blogs, lacking time is never a valid excuse for me.

When I'm feeling grounded, I am at my best with committing time to write. Of course when I'm feeling emotional, I am best at creating. Like all the other contradictions in my life, it's a matter of balancing the two. And of course, they don't have to be contradictions - emotions can be great and healthy and exciting, and when the not so happy ones consume me and I feel off, I could always write it out to capture the moment, and then take control again. Somewhere within lies the answer to why I stumble and not complete my works but for now I will just have to have faith that as I continue my journey I will figure it out.

To feel balanced, overall, I need to accept where I am in life and be active and healthy. I stay fairly active and I'm healthy, but now and then I get stuck with the "accepting" part. So here I sit and remind myself that I do have a beautiful family. I have a great job, a roof over my head, amazing friends, and so many opportunities. I am very fortunate and I don't forget those who go without the basics that most of us take for granted. I of course live in ignorance of the real pain and suffering out there - that is a defense mechanism we are all equipped with for if we could truly feel how much hurt and fear there is we would not be able to cope with our own daily lives. My point, though, is that life is good for me...so here I am accepting again.

Today, I took the family to the fall festival at Wolf Neck Farm in Freeport, Maine. Beautiful day out and we had a great time. I absolutely love those opportunities. However, I am feeling the need for a solo hike in the woods. So tomorrow, just me and nature - embrace autumn, take some pictures, and be with myself. Then I will truly be grounded again.