snooze button

So I'm late again - story of my life (or at least my daughters' but that's another story... moving on)

Really I was super busy this past weekend mostly being distracted but all good distractions. Then I would check email and outlook reminder would pop up "Blog" and I would hit the snooze button. Ah... just like sleeping in, except by days instead of minutes.

The important part though is not the blog, it's the actual writing. In that regard, I did write for a couple hours late sunday morning and I made it to write night on Monday.

Am I happy with the amount I wrote this week? Nope. I really wish I could spend all my spare time writing, perhaps get some of this stuff out of my head. I just really have so much to do on a daily basis and it's a lot of typical stuff, you know, life, family, work, bills, life ... but it's all complicated.

Even the things I want to be simple I manage to complicate. Maybe on some deep level it's what I do, what I desire, a way to grasp control and conform it just so once it's conformed I can get bored and move on. Or maybe I'm still just trying to grasp what's missing. Or maybe life is just complicated.

If I could only hit the snooze button on life and get caught up in the real world so I can spend more time playing in my stories. Then I would get in more writing. Then it wouldn't matter if I was late, because then time would have no meaning.

Another week

Another week and some but not enough progression. I could go on and tell all the reasons I used for not writing as much as I should have, but the end result is that I didn't. I certainly don't lack the desire or stories, really I think I lack the inner contentness. My mind is always spinning in so many different directions but it's not just distractions as I previously thought for there will always be distractions - I am not content.

It could likely be said a lot of writers have been discontent or even use those times to encapsulate the very basis of their stories. Yet how do they pull that from their head and put it down on paper? I feel like I'm reaching but everything is out of reach. I don't stop reaching, believing or dreaming, but how long will that go on before I can really feel what I want... Find the contentness that I really desire.

How is that poem ends... In the end there's nothing, and so reality fades.

But I will not end this blog on that note. There is fresh snow outside and like all things nature I am drawn to it. Even just to take the shovel and clear the driveway will give me the fresh air I need to clear my mind. I may complain about the winter from time to time, but I would miss the snow. There is an element of newness to it as it covers up everything dirty and I feel comforted by it like an old blanket fresh from the dryer. The crisp air dances with me and I let go of all the negative energy, and as the snowflakes touch my nose I am taken back to childhood days when everything was magical.

I just want everything to be magical again.

So on that note, I will go shovel and clear my mind and then get in some writing.

Reality Fades

I didn't manage to post exactly a week later but here is my update.

I did go to Write Night last Monday and will be there again tonight. I can not give a word-count on the actual writing as... well lets just say I missed that train too. But I did get my folders and different stories sorted and organized.

The reality is of course, that I have to make time and then not got distracted. And I am very easily distracted. I like to play and experience and feel and yeah, if I can just translate everything into words, then I would be golden.

I will get there. This is definitely my year. The characters in my head are screaming to come out and be heard. I will give them their voices and let them tell their own stories. Reality Fades is the name of my favorite story I started oh so many years ago. I love the characters. It is not first on my list to complete because it is a complicated story that has to be told perfectly and I can't seem to release it, not yet.

Tonight I will write up more on the second episode of my sitcom which I plan to enter into a contest in May. Right now the reality is the clock I keep looking at reminding me I need to get to the office. But tonight... reality fades

Happy New Years! ~ Cheers to 2010!

So I dreamt that I left work to take a train. I wasn't sure where that train was going; 'up north' sounds about right. (Perhaps for a writer's retreat in a remote cabin?) I hurried to the station and through the station and down to the tracks, determined to catch it as the doors were closing. I didn't. I didn't feel determined enough so I missed the train. I went back to work.

This is the first day of a new decade and I feel extremely positive about it, so it's a bit disheartening to start with a dream that shows I lack determination... perhaps confidence? It was though, just a dream, and dreams can be used to set focus, to prepare and move forward.

There was a time when I could have lucid dreams. In them I would become aware I was dreaming and take control of the dream. This was not a lucid dream. But nonetheless, I will take what my inner self is telling me and use it to set the focus.

I have written my resolutions. The one connected to this blog is of course to write! I did take a little hiatus from my new writing regime as we got closer to the holidays but here starts 2010! I look forward to Write Night which is Monday night with a good friend. I have a sitcom in the works which I will enter into a contest or two this year, and I also hope to pen up a new short story and put some hours into one of my other in-the-works novels.

So now to put some pressure on myself. I will post my progress on this blog at least once a week. I have no idea if I will end up rambling about everything else or just stick to 'where I am with my writing goals' but at least once a week I will post something. Now I go to open outlook and put this on my calendar. Yes I'm determined but I am still a busy woman!

Cheers to 2010 ~ it's going to be a great year!