Emotional roller coasters and spinning out of control... well not healthy and not fun to deal with. Don't get me wrong, we are entitled to our emotions and as a-close-to-approaching-middle-age woman... I am probably experiencing my share of emotions with a splatter of midlife crisis. Now none of this is good for my family and horrible for my personal life, but for my characters... well, that's another story -correction, that's my stories.
I have dealt with more in this past month than I have dealt with in the last couple years. I think some of it was build-up stuff, like the fact that my oldest daughter is pregnant and I'm going to be a grandmother - a word I haven't been able to spit out until now, but a lot of it was stuff I brought on, decisions I've made, and the consequences of those decisions.
All resulting in very strong feelings - I felt guilty (with my family), I felt lost (in my relationships), I felt desperate (with my job), I felt sad and confused (lost of a good friend), I felt betrayed by my higher powers, angry with my past, scared of the future - and so much pressure in so many directions, I almost broke.
Somehow I didn't. I look to my children for strength, for even if I have nothing else I have three beautiful daughters that are the center of my universe. I need to be here for them - but what to do with all these feelings? Well I will sit with myself and deal with them - and I will feel them. I will own them. I will not let them own me or slow me down. Then I will give them to my characters.
I wish I could say I wrote more tonight -being write-night and all but mostly I thought. Mentally I enhanced a few characters. I know my main character is desperate and spinning out of control... I gave her some more depth, humanity, some of my feelings. I often like to think out a scene before writing it down; really get into my character's mind and "feel" the experience. Actually - I think I will go write some more now.
Here's to not giving up and moving forward in life.
Cheers
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4 comments:
From one person consumed with the insanity of her life to another, I think we'll both get through this.
I have to tell you that reading your post made me feel better, like I wasn't alone.
I am Proud of you! I love you! And I am here if you need me..
You have been through a lot and are still going through more. I believe that you are a strong woman and that you will be able to conquer. Your characters will be compelling from the traits that you instill in them from your own life experiences and continue to evolve. I am here to read/listen or whatever else you need. *hugz*
thanks Ladies -appreciate the support and ditto!
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