Tennis Anyone?

I have started playing Tennis. With all this nice weather I had to put away the Wii and get some real movement! It's been fun and exciting and frustrating all at once. I've always wanted to play. Years ago I bought some cheap rackets at a yard sale, but year after year they sat in the basement while I did other things. So finally I met someone who really likes to play which got me excited. My old yard sale rackets were warped and weak, so I've tossed them and bought new rackets.

First time out on courts in literally years and no real game experience to speak of, but I was out there in my new Adidas tennis outfit and I had fun. I chased the balls more than I hit them, but it was happening. I was being physically active and I had a target and goals and I was working on them.

Been just a few more sessions but I feel some improvement. I've heard some good pointers and the determination is there. I am learning it more and more and I know what I'm doing wrong and challenging myself to make every shot a focused and intended connection.

Now it's write night and before starting this blog, I decided to apply some tennis to my writing. Truth is I've been tripping up over all my writing projects. I pull one out, find problems, and put it away and take something else out. I've lost focus. The balls are there and being served and I'm missing my shots.

So I made a list of the top six writing projects I have going on. Then under each story I wrote "pros", "cons", "problems" and "possible solutions" and then I filled each in. I didn't start with the first one, and worked my way down. I skipped around answering to the ones that were easiest. It's like getting the soft balls bounced my way - I can hit them.

Looking at my list, I feel I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie with each story. I have isolated the problems and solutions. Like with tennis, I know what I'm doing wrong and can challenge myself to make every shot a focused and intended connection. Once again, the court is lit and I'm out there with my netbook, stories, and ideas, and I'm ready to play... even the fast hard balls!

Now I just need to work on my back-hand.

Tennis anyone?

Does it Matter?

Does it Matter that I write?
Words unwritten -voice without flight
Ink on paper fades through time
the mind still wanders, doodles the rhyme...

Such as it is, it continues to pass
If the words are written -will they then last?
And so I ponder late at night
Pen to paper, til' I turn out the lights

Birthdays, Resolutions & Neverland

My inner child is Peter Pan. I never wanted to grow up - never wanted to turn 18, never wanted to turn 21 and this birthday (30-something) is no exception. I don't think it's the responsibilities, at least not entirely, it's just that I want to play. When my first daughter was born I spent a lot of time on the floor playing. By the time my third daughter was born, my life was spinning out of control and survival instincts took over. It was all work and protecting the children. Escaping a nightmare and struggling to move forward alone with them. For the longest time after it was just work, making ends meet,carving out family time, dealing with single-parenting. But then as I found my footing, we began to play again, live, laugh, love and enjoy each other. As the girls get older I have more freedom and yet more responsibilities. I still play, I just need to schedule time and sometimes have the money available.

So today I celebrate my birth. Both of my parents deceased, mixed feelings about my own upbringing, concerns about the future -both immediate and distant. Why can't life be so simple as Neverland?

During birthdays I always reflect on New Year's resolutions. A quarter of the year gone by, so how am I doing? Not bad at all. On parenting and professional, I am meeting those goals and on personal (try 12 new things) well I've tried a couple new things so far but it's a good reminder that I actually have a fun goal this year. I did not make any hard specific goals like "join a gym" but instead "try 12 new things" and guess what, if I join a gym, that will be a "new thing"!

And of course I had a writing goal which includes this blog, write-night and writing. I could be doing better and spending more time with writing but I am ok with where I am at. I can accept that when life is turbulent and there is stress that I will not be able to focus and write. So I am ok with working on other life areas along the way, knowing that by doing so I am bringing comfort to my world and creating ideal writing opportunities.

This is life. I move forward and embrace new opportunities. I do my best to be a good person and care for those I love. I am a great friend and a hard worker. I am more open, more spiritual, and more hopeful than I have ever been. I am also very thankful for what I do have.

There is always time to play - and though we get older, we don't have to let go of our inner child. As writers we can create our own pretend worlds and stories. We can have all the adventures we want - and hopefully a lot of them will be real life adventures from which we can create even more fantastic stories!

Mixed Messages

I am drowning in a sea of mixed messages, some come from within me and some from others. I want to trust my gut and I want to trust my head - and they don't agree. I don't trust my heart because my heart is my inner child. In Freud's psyche analysis, I guess my heart would compare to my Id, my head(mind) my Ego and my gut my Superego. "Follow your gut instinct" is what we are often told. Yet it's in my gut that I feel this ball of ... something. I think it comes down from the heart. And though in my mind I am logical and practical, it doesn't diminish what the heart and gut feels. I need to train my mind - make it stronger. Be able to stand for what I know, and go forth in the light of that confidence.

My character from the story I started as a child, mixed up her dream world with her waking world. She never knew what was real. She never knew who to trust and what brought her the most comfort, also brought her the most pain. She went along in life and struggled through her school years, her greatest nemesis was reality. Or so she thought.

I recently had a dream where I was walking somewhere but I wasn't sure where. I just knew if I kept walking I would eventually get there.

Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. Gorgeous weather, need to rake up the old leaves and clear the yard for this season - let go of the autumn gloom and winter darkness, and enjoy the New. What things may come need space to be nurtured.

The warmth of the sun promises comfort for the days. And when the day ends, we can trust the night as we dance under the pale moonlight.