Last weekend was the Balloon Festival here in Lewiston & Auburn Maine. All kinds of hot air balloons launched at dawn and dusk for three days and filled the skies as vendors sold their wares and live music played on both sides of the twin cities. I of course took my camera and chased balloons. I got some great shots of balloons over the canal and river and going past the church. I also got some great close ups and angles that would make for better display photos, but I chose this particular picture for this post because this is what it really boiled down to - balloons in the city.
When a mirror is dirty we take glass cleaner and clean it because it makes sense to see a clear image. When life is difficult we keep things in perspective and focus on the positive because that makes sense as well. It is also healthy - for just because there are hardships and sadness, you would not benefit from draining your energy on things you can not change. However, sometimes instead of looking past the telephone poles and wires, trying to leave them out for that perfect shot, you have to stop and appreciate all that you have -including what you may consider less or ugly. And I mean really appreciate because everything that affects us, everything that has happened to us, makes us who we are today.
So today, August 30, 2010 I start a new chapter. I am excited and honestly I am not scared, although I keep thinking I should be for some recent changes that have occured will greatly change much in my life - but more on that in my next blog. Really, I am just excited and ready. I have been tugging along at this slow speed for way too long and if you know me personally than you would know that I need and crave excitement. I think I decided long ago that due to becoming a young parent I would (mostly) have to give up living on the edge. For awhile I wasted time playing role-playing games (when the children were young and went to bed) where I could pretend life was more exciting - because slaying a dragon is pretty damn cool! Also -I took to my stories in my head and started putting them on paper - not to my satisfaction but this will definitely be part of this new chapter in my life!
But more than all that, I am going to start really living again. My history takes me from a underprivileged child in a broken home, to a wild teenager, to a young parent, to a hard working single mom - but codependent on guys in oh so many ways. I can accept that I have needed the attention from males to make me feel good about myself and keep me entertained. Often, once I captured someones full attention, I would get bored and be ready for new attention. This has taken me on adventures from California to Europe on more than one occasion and I have no regrets - life has been mostly exciting.
Recently things have changed and I wasn't able to capture the full attention of one particular guy that I will call Peter Pan. I gave him that much credit, that he would be the magic into new adventures and opportunities, that he would take me to Neverland like no other guy has ever been able to do. It turns out he was just another regular guy who couldn't even lift me off the ground, let alone fly himself. He had told me he wasn't there mentally for me - but I only took it as a challenge - afterall the physical connection was pretty damn good. However, the experience has humbled me some and this is good. I realize I sometimes get blinded by passion and now once again the glass is clean, the telephone wires are in the way, and I can see that it wasn't going to be anything more -and more importantly I can truly just let it go.
My main focus for the month of September will be (1)Get my house back in order - whereas my oldest daughter has recently moved out so I can once again fix up the family room downstairs and tackle the cellar. (2)Writing - oh yeah, not just blogging but working on my actual stories! I am also going to post a flier at the library to start a writers group as I no longer have a Monday night write partner. This is just another example of good coming from bad (or to use the old cliche that when one door closes another one opens!) (3)Hiking and enjoying nature as much as possible before I go back to work in October (more on that in next blog). (4) Photography- this really goes with #3 as I love nature photography more than any other kind. I also like posting a picture with my blogs so will make it a new goal from here forward to use actual photos I have taken with my blogs. (5) Anything new! I am still working on my ten new things a year resolution and I am hoping to knock off a couple more during one of my favorite months!
So this summer has been crazy. Some of the things that have happened I will not share for they are personal to my family and and we continue to deal with. I have not gotten in much writing at all (sadly) but I have certainly been out and about and experiencing and taking advantage of opportunities and creating some changes that I am very excited about! Overall, life is good and beautiful. And no matter where you are in life, it helps to look up - you may just realize that telephone poles and wires and street lights can be beautiful.
