One Blog, One Resolution, & Cheers to 2011!

Hello Blog World! I hope you all are enjoying the holiday season. I love this time of year, despite the stresses, there is something magical about how much nicer everyone seems to be and the first snowfalls seem to christian the air and lay silence over the land. How the falling snow seems to sparkle and at night when all is quiet and it feels so peaceful and pretty. I am the type who continues to light the tree after Christmas because it still makes me smile. And when my girls are cheerful and enjoying the holiday company, everything is perfect!

I know I ramble, but life has been great and I have been crazy busy so this is my only December post. And though my original goal was four times a month, I'm ok with this. I am not going to ever beat myself up for the things I don't accomplish when I know I am doing my best to make my way through this journey and more importantly, I am willing to make compromises even if it means slowing down and enjoying good company, nature, and anything new that comes my way.

So here we wrap up 2010 and put it in a pretty little package called a memory. Some of it has been captured in photos and writing, but mostly it sits within us. It hasn't been an easy year by any means and there was tragedy. The violent death of a dear friend and watching her sons grow up without their parents has been something I wasn't quite prepared for and even in just thinking about it now, it is overwhelming and sad and scary - but I'm not going down that road right night.

I also made a major decision and left my job at an agency I was with for 14 years. It was one of my original resolutions and though I continue to deal with the implications (huge pay cut and not so generous with the benefits) I in no way regret that decision. I am happy once again at work, there are quarterly bonuses to strive for (I love challenges), and my supervisor really likes me. Less than three months there and I was already offered a new position which would have been a promotion that offered more money, but it was second shift and being able to pick up my youngest daughter from school so she can do drama, art club, etc., is important to me so I turned it down. I was assured there would be lots of other opportunities and I already knew that. I didn't just leave one company to accept the first job offer that came my way - opportunity to advance and earning potentials were at the top of the list!

So my resolutions from 2010 went something like this: professional - get a new job (check), Writing: blog four times a month and write weekly on stories (check). Okay, I didn't blog four times a month and had weeks without writing, but I only answer to myself. Besides, I created this blog like three years ago and my very first post wasn't until January 1, 2010 and consistently since then - make that a check PLUS! Personal: was something about ten new things - again Check Plus! The list includes(but I may be forgetting a few things): kayaking, played tennis (a lot), tried scallops (new food, tried twice and prefer with just ketchup over bacon-wrapped), a new mountain hiked (Big Moose in Moosehead, Maine), this blog, new job (yeah, they can be part of both goals, my resolutions so my rules!), conquered fear of deep water and improved on swimming and can now float on my back (I don't think I have had any other fears other than water so that is more major than it sounds, especially from someone who embraces nature!). I also joined a gym -okay very recently but I'm going! Also, a helicopter ride... amazing!!! Still have opportunities to go again but I have been so busy! Last but not least, actually most importantly and without any intentions the most important new thing happened to me. I became a grandmother which of course was not in the plans, but I was a very young mother so I was apt to become a young grandmother, and Baby Trenton has become my first true male love! He is beautiful in every way and I love him through and through!

So here I wrap up 2010 and look ahead to 2011. I've decided that it makes sense to only have one new year's resolution. Seriously, and no I don't mean "no resolutions" you cynics! The one resolution will be 11 new things for 2011! That way anything I accomplish can be included and I will continue to do what I always do - move forward and enjoy life with open arms!

Cheers to 2011!

Save a Horse, Ride the Cowboy?

Okay, that song is just playing on the radio, but what I really need to do is save my script! In order to save my script as we come towards the end, my protagonist has got to redeem himself (gettting there), stop his girl from getting on a flight (he may not, but she'll come back in the end... what can I say, I'm a sap for happy endings), get back her pendant (check), save the shelter (check) and stop his father from shipping X amount of jobs overseas! DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DAA-DAAAAA DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAAAA!

Yes, whole lotta love...err...saving going on! And that is where I am stuck - how to stop the jobs from being shipped overseas. My main character Seth (light romantic comedy) has just gone through quite the ordeal and in doing so has come to realize what his girlfriend has been saying and why she is leaving. Along this journey of self-discovery, he also got some unexpected insight into his father's pharmaceutical company and met a former employee (now homeless)who was laid off during the first round of job cuts. So as I'm wrapping up everything, I know I have to stop the new batch of job cuts and get this guy his job back- but I don't know how.

Part of Seth's problem with his girlfriend (and inability to take life serious)is because he's an uptown boy and she's a downtown girl (sorry Billy) so they have differing views on those less fortunate. Also, his father has always been controlling and never gave Seth any real responsibility. The movie opens with a company meeting about the jobs being shipped out and Seth makes a joke and his father responds in turn with another joke. So now I realize this is my opportunity to go back and rewrite the scene to where Seth is trying to contribute something insightful (maybe) but instead his father brushes off his idea. And it can be this idea that comes to fruit in the end.

So if anyone has any ideas on what can save a large (made-up) pharmaceutical company from shifting jobs overseas (to save money)... I'd love to hear them! Now I'm going to turn off the radio before I get tempted to make a Margarita (take me away Jimmy!)while I rework a couple scenes.

Recycle, Reduce and Reuse!

What a great day off from work! I managed to clean out my shed (by which I really mean reorganized and crammed in more stuff like the patio chairs, grill, etc) and in doing so I also took out all the bagged returnable bottles and cans which have been accumulating in an ever growing pile! So yes, I finally brought them into the redemption center which not only gave me a few bucks but also got me thinking about the whole recycling thing -which is good and not so good. Okay - it also got me wondering how the guy was able to talk with his buddies without losing track of the number of returnables I brought in...

But back to the recycling... I mean, I take the time to recycle returnable beverage containers and I also recycle glass, aluminum, plastic and paper because we have curb side recycling in town -which is a great thing. But I also have to wonder about all it involves. First we have these extra trucks coming by every week stopping at each house to collect and sort the materials. So right there is fuel use and pollution added into the environment. Then the stuff gets brought to the center where machines (also using power and causing pollution) breaks down the materials into re-usable materials. I try to weigh it all out in my mind. It provides jobs... but it also takes job from the makers of the original products; but it saves on limited resources and helps save trees and... well whatever stuff is used to make plastic, aluminum and glass... okay so I didn't say I researched this... just got me thinking. I also suppose there is less waste in the landfills which is definitely a good thing.

Of course I will continue to recycle because it feels like the right thing to do - even if I'm not completely convinced on how much of a difference it makes. I guess when you hear the three-part slogan "recycle, reduce, reuse" that "reduce" really trumps the other two, with "reuse" as second best, and then what you don't eliminate or reuse, you should recycle. Okay - I really have no idea how that stinky sock (was that mold?) ended up with my bottles but I don't think I want to reuse or recycle it!

Continuing the good verses not so good mind trip I'm currently on - I refrain from using paper products and plastic but when you don't use paper plates, for example a kid's birthday party, then think about all the extra water you're using to clean the glass plates? And aren't we suppose to be mindful of water usage? And of course I'm totally guilty of buying lots of products that I just can not recycle because my town limits the types of plastics it recycles - but I really need certain hair products (and it's not up for debate).

We say we want to make a difference and we do a few little things and feel good about ourselves, but sometimes it feels fake. I know they say that ignorance is bliss -which is why I looked away when the guy at the redemption center opened a bag of rather sticky and not so clean bottles - but mostly I don't want to be ignorant. Despite the fact that I am using plastic bags that are getting thrown away to bring in the returnable plastic beverage containers! Yet I trust that someone out there has done the research and I am totally on board with the "reduce" and "reuse" and will just have to trust that "recycling" is a good thing too!

October passes...

It's official - October comes to an end and Halloween once again passes by which is sad, not only because now I have to bring in and put away all the Halloween decorations, but also because I also have leaves to rake, unfinished yard work, windows to winterize, and yeah the list goes on. Also, I had to put my heat on for the first time today - yep, Autumn has fully set in and winter is right around the corner!

However tempting it is just to let each dark evening claim the day and hibernate until warmer days, I have to keep active! So I am looking for snowshoes this year, more hiking, and hopefully some cross-country skiing this winter!

Also though, I can look forward to cozy evenings with my netbook and my stories. Time to put away the "summer excuses" and get writing on a more regular schedule - with hot cocoa of course! Yes - October may feel like another year is slipping past but it's been a great year and during these darker months... well within darkness there is the unknown and with the unknown there are endless possibilities!

Cheers!

Versatile Blogger award!

On October 20th, my blog was recognized with a Versatile Blogger award by the very lovely and talented blogster Regina! I am very delighted and humbled that she chose my blog as one in five to recognize!

ver·sa·tile - capable of or adapted for turning easily from one to another of various tasks, fields of endeavor, etc.: a versatile writer.
variable or changeable, as in feeling, purpose, or policy: versatile moods.

Okay, I am definitely very changeable but jumping from one task to another... well that is just my inability to stay on topic, but I'm going to ride this wave just the same!

As part of this recognition I am to share five things about myself so here goes:

1. This part of the award was actually difficult for me, hence my delay in announcing and sharing. After some soul searching I realize that though I'm very much an open book to anyone I know and I throw a lot of personal info just out there, I am actually quite reserved when put in the spotlight.

2. I have three very beautiful and talented daughters and they mean the world to me!

3. I am on a mission to experience and live life as fully as possible! Now that the girls are older and I have more free time, I am constantly seeking out new opportunities and experiences. This year includes kayaking and a helicopter ride!

4. My desire to write stories started in childhood. It was an escape from reality and thus the stories I create are my little escapes. However, I also realize that my ability to create stories is the easy part and the actual writing part... not so easy - but this is a challenge I will not give up on!

5. I can accept that I don't have everything I desire in life but I also can be appreciative that I have as much as I do. Really and truly, I have lots of great friends, but I'm still looking for that very one special friend who will both intrigue and excite me and will let me into his heart as I let him into mine. Yes - I want a "happily ever after"!!

Also - as part of this recognition, I am in turn to recognize 5 great blogs. If you are not already following these blogs, check them out:

http://regina-unsettled.blogspot.com/

http://myblossomingmind.blogspot.com/

http://thejourneythenovel.blogspot.com/

http://jevron-mccrory.blogspot.com/
-- and check out his novel - Swan Song http://ebookundead.com/swan-song/

http://marklaflamme.com/blog/
-- and check out his newest book for sale - Box of Lies

Balance

Balance - I remind myself that it is a continual effort...not something obtained once and then it's done -check it off the list. It's the practice what I preach to my girls, it's the having faith and trusting, and it is the stop and focus - and breathe. I let myself get so distracted and I think as long as I'm having fun… but at what expense? So deep breath - time to get grounded again.

I know what is most important to me - we all do, the list usually starts with family and from there they vary some, but financial independence is important, and being able to practice the arts we each enjoy individually of course makes the list. For me that is writing and photography. It's the need to capture moments and ideas and share them. It is taking the ordinary and making it beautiful, making it my own.

I am not always able to do that with photography. Sometimes I'm just not ready, like not having a camera with me as I watched a single red leaf tumble down from a Maple tree, turning ever so slowly, and I held my breath for the moment and felt the slight chill of the Autumn air as all my other senses perked up and I could smell and hear the crispness of the collected fallen leaves, and knowing at that moment, that I love Autumn, and I wanted to take that picture and capture that moment... but at last the leaf fell, joining the others, and I wasn't ready.

Sometimes, I am ready with my camera but I'm not able to capture the picture as I experience it, and this is due to having a less than suitable camera for the photography I want to achieve. This is a financial goal that I can work towards. Of course, due to recent sidesteps with my employment, I have to be patient and get the finances back in order first but it will happen. For now I can work on techniques, like framing and capturing optimal lighting.

And then there is writing. I love taking individual words and stringing them together to create more than sentences, but feelings. I will actually reread sent emails, blogs, cover letters, etc, because I impress myself. Yet for the ultimate writing experience, scripts and stories worthy to be sent out, I often stumble. Now, I have been writing stories ever since I was a child and new ideas are always coming to me. I am great at starting and then something happens and I stop, and to get excited again I find myself switching off to another story or script. Unlike photography, I do not have the excuse of lacking equipment. And as I have mentioned in past blogs, lacking time is never a valid excuse for me.

When I'm feeling grounded, I am at my best with committing time to write. Of course when I'm feeling emotional, I am best at creating. Like all the other contradictions in my life, it's a matter of balancing the two. And of course, they don't have to be contradictions - emotions can be great and healthy and exciting, and when the not so happy ones consume me and I feel off, I could always write it out to capture the moment, and then take control again. Somewhere within lies the answer to why I stumble and not complete my works but for now I will just have to have faith that as I continue my journey I will figure it out.

To feel balanced, overall, I need to accept where I am in life and be active and healthy. I stay fairly active and I'm healthy, but now and then I get stuck with the "accepting" part. So here I sit and remind myself that I do have a beautiful family. I have a great job, a roof over my head, amazing friends, and so many opportunities. I am very fortunate and I don't forget those who go without the basics that most of us take for granted. I of course live in ignorance of the real pain and suffering out there - that is a defense mechanism we are all equipped with for if we could truly feel how much hurt and fear there is we would not be able to cope with our own daily lives. My point, though, is that life is good for me...so here I am accepting again.

Today, I took the family to the fall festival at Wolf Neck Farm in Freeport, Maine. Beautiful day out and we had a great time. I absolutely love those opportunities. However, I am feeling the need for a solo hike in the woods. So tomorrow, just me and nature - embrace autumn, take some pictures, and be with myself. Then I will truly be grounded again.

Curiosity killed the... blog post

I've always had a curious nature and my curiosity has gotten me in trouble a number of times. As a child the incidents precede my own memory but I've been told stories from my toddler years of getting my head stuck between bars and roofing tar in my hair. I was always running off and talking to strangers and asking questions and getting into trouble.

I was often cited in school during the early years for not paying attention but that wasn't really true because I was always paying attention - not always to what was being taught but whatever the current preoccupation was... even if it was just the way the wallpaper pictures didn't line up perfectly at the borders.

When I was about 7 or 8 and left with the siblings at the babysitters, we were jumping on the king size bed. I think we had permission, but what I recall was how we were taking turns falling backwards to bounce back up again. I wanted to get the best bounce so was paying attention to how everyone else was doing it and noticed that the others always bent their legs before landing on their butts. I figured if I could go straight down, without bending whatsoever, then I could perhaps have the perfect bounce. Determined I stood at the center of the bed and took a deep breath as I fell straight back - no bending, and I did it. I don't recall the bounce at all just that it hurt like hell!


It's this curiosity I share with you as I continue to paint my life and experience and experiment however the hell I want. I am an adult and I do adult things and this is an adult blog. So first off, if we've had sex in the past than perhaps you shouldn't be stalking my blog as an anonymous follower because lets face the facts, I'm over you. I will make the exception for one in Denmark who will always have a special place in my thoughts and I hate that I broke his heart - but everyone else, bugger off. Secondly, I have to smirk a little that I still manage to affect you ;)

Now moving on - I have a hard time not narrating in my head when I get a spark for an idea or I start to feel emotional (good or bad... or excited for that matter). It's like a "writing moment" flag comes up and I start to form the sentences in my thoughts and think about my stories and characters - not always at appropriate times mind you. So someone took offense to my last blog *coughs* and I had to reread it and when I did, I felt that tingle down my back and noticed my legs start to tense because it brought me right back to those moments. Yes, it was a valid piece (thanks ML) and the emotions and stakes were high, yet I deleted it because well, suddenly I felt naked and exposed. Now that is something I need to work on - my writers skin - because I have learned a lot through the years, like the fact that falling flat on my back even on the softest of surfaces will hurt like hell, but also, I can't please everyone ;)